Category Archives: Journal Entries

March 31, 2012

First Manuscript: Reflecting

By David Alves

Revisited this journal entry from my Writing Journals. It kind of captures that mix of anticipation with the anxiety of submitting the manuscript to editors. The process was not as severe as I had imagined. But it was long.

3/2/2009

I just uploaded my manuscript to iUniverse. It was a strange thing. I blogged the experience on my Windows live space. Below are those thoughts and reflections:

FINALLY!!  Manuscript away!

It was a weird feeling . . . uploading the work of seven years (conception) and three years (writing). I thought it was ridiculous when a writer would say that sending out his/her manuscript was like sending his/her child out into the world alone. I felt two things. First, a feeling that someone else is going to invade the work. Second, that I have little control over it. For some reason submitting this book manuscript is far different from submitting the articles I’ve written. I had no problem getting those off to my editors. No residual feelings. No afterthoughts. Done. Gone. And whatever happened, happened. But the book is far different. I think about it more. What’s to become of it? Will it communicate what’s in my heart to communicate? Will the editors understand it? Do they care to? Or is it just editing for them?

For a moment, while I watched the bright green progress-bar inching to the right as the manuscript uploaded to the publisher’s site, I felt this “no turning back now” feeling. Very strange. Love to know the psychology behind it. I was almost in disbelief. “It’s really happening. For better or worse, you’re a book author now. This will be a new experience.”  I prayed that the book will bless its readers. I prayed that those who read We’re the ‘sons of God’ . . . So What? [WsoGSW]will have an encounter with the Living God while they read. And the result will be a new level in their spiritual growth and walk with God.

Now, I find the waiting more difficult than the finalizing of the manuscript.

I’m supposed to have an editorial evaluation back in two weeks from the day of submission. So . . . I’ll move on. Today I’m going to work on my first novel. I’ve been living with the characters and plot for a couple of years. I have a start that Marcy feels is “Great!”  So . . . it’s just a matter of, can I live with the work for another year? AND . . . finalize edits, cover work, and galleys of WSGSW?  We’ll see.  It’s an adventure. And I’m content to be on it. In any case, I’ll leave this to the Lord and move on.

TODAY:  The book, We’re the “sons of God” . . . So What?: Believe God About Who You Really Are is available at BarnesandNoble.com or Amazon.com. Scroll down the right side-navigation bar or go to the top menu to “Find My Books.”

I look back on that experience and am so grateful to have had it. It’s a wonderful thing to know that a word the Lord has given you is now in print and can be shared with the intended readers. And especially that the message will transform the lives of those who read it. They will have an encounter with the living God and see their true worth in His sight.

QUESTION: Do YOU recall what it was like to submit your first manuscript?

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February 25, 2012

Five Favorites

By David Alves

In case you missed them, or you’re new at my blog, here are “Five Favorites” from last year’s best posts:

1. Finishing Well

2. Humbled to Be a ‘son of God’

3. What Would You Do? 180 Video

4. From My Writing Journal 4/5/2001

5. Why I Despise Religion

Hope you find something worth sharing in one of these Five Favorite posts. Please take a moment to “share” one or two with a friend or family member.

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February 22, 2012

Ever Been Sifted?

By David Alves

The following journal entries describe what I was experiencing  just prior to my six month sabbatical which began in March of 2010. The dark night of the soul was a difficult place for me. God allowed me to be sifted. At the time, I did not fully understand what I was going through. That understanding came months later:

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1/20/2010

How I desire to see you stretch forth your arm and your holy hand. We need to be touched by your love.

Some of what I have been experiencing, I don’t want to forget because I want to be able to identify with other pastors who are (or have) experiencing a similar burn-out or depression. I know that I am not the only one experiencing this.

Some effects:

  • Decision-making difficult, even in the littlest things.
  • Hiding from people I used to enjoy (and from those I don’t enjoy at all)
  • Numbness of mind (difficulty focusing, holding details in mind)
  • Short-term memory loss (intermittent)
  • Desire to not do anything
  • Extreme tiredness most of the time
  • Seems like a heavy blanket of exhaustion covers me from time to time lasting a couple of days. Then lifts for a time. Only to return again.

1/24/2010

“As one who knows righteousness, who has Your law in my heart, may I not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their revilings.” (Isaiah 51:7)

In the future (near or far) as more and more people deny you and my Savior, Father manifest in me the grace and love I need to lead many to you. May my most fruitful days be yet ahead. I will not look behind except at your command, to see what great things you have accomplished by your hand for your glory. I don’t want to get stuck in my “stuff.” I want to be free from it, standing solidly in the forgiveness and grace purchased for me by Jesus. Let me enter fully into my sonship. May I bring a sense of the family to everyone I meet. May I always cheer the best in them. And may I always call them higher (this thought inspired by a short-short film: The Butterfly Circus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anR_7zM0Pkc).

I want to be like the circus owner who saw the best in people and drew it to the surface. Lord, please let me have your eyes with people. May I always affirm their BEST. May I always point them to you in themselves. Thank you Father.

Lord help me this morning to share what will build up all who hear.

1/28/2010

Amazing how down I’ve been the last two days. That heavy, oppressive weight that comes upon me. I get so physically and emotionally tired that I feel totally immobile.

Just when I think I’m ready for anything the Lord wants to use me in, I feel that he’s finished using me. I told Marcy today that I sometimes feel like I have imagined that God has some great purpose for my life. And perhaps what the Father is showing me is that such a notion is full of pride. And has been the source of much ineffectiveness in ministry. Marcy believes that God is refining us and that He does have an important assignment for me to carry out. I don’t know. I’m too tired and disappointed, discouraged and troubled by my lack of interest in ministry. I feel like pulling my plane into the hangar. I’ve thought much about retirement, but know that I can’t afford it, nor would I truly be happy unless the Lord commanded it.

I’m extremely disappointed that all the years of writing my book seem to have been a waste. Perhaps several hundred copies have sold. But I have received only two or three emails or messages that the book has had a positive impact. Others have been silent. I cannot think of investing another couple of years for the same result. All my dreams have failed. Now I need a Savior again. To save me from my disappointment and discouragement.

I can’t think anymore about this. It’s too overwhelming.

*      *      *

David, crucified people don’t struggle. They don’t strive to figure things out. They’re DEAD! They live only for revelation. They are at peace. They rest in me. They wait for my word and then walk in it. You must surrender. Cease your striving. Wait in my presence. Be still and KNOW that I am the Lord. Go off by yourself and be quiet. Be still. Stop thinking about yourself and your future. Enjoy me. Be with me. Enjoy the quiet and enter my rest.

*       *      *

Thank you Father.

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The sabbatical given to me by my church-family, gave me the time I needed to rest, reflect, and be refreshed. My wife, Marcy, and I had extended time to go to the mountains and the shore, visit friends and family, and spend unhurried time with the Lord. We came back from our sabbatical renewed and ready to serve from a more solid center–anchored in the love of the Father. He was refining, by allowing the enemy to sift me. I now understand that anyone who wants to know the deep love of God must pass through the valley of the shadow of death. This is the valley the produces trust, endurance, and perseverance.

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February 19, 2012

Prayer for My Nation

By David Alves

An Excerpt from my Spiritual Journals: The following was a time of intercessory prayer for the United States and my fellow citizens:

Feels like we’re on the brink of breakthrough. As though revival were about to begin. I sense the Lord moving. Also, in our nation it feels like some huge thing impending–war in the middle east? Revolution? The Return of the Lord? An amazing move of God in our nation?

I know that personally, I’m drawing nearer to the Lord. I’m sensing the need for His total leadership in my life. He has me focused on Him and the ministry of Jesus. I can’t imagine our nation turning around unless God’s mercy moves powerfully through our land. We’re a lost nation unless God restores us to His original intent for the United States. We were meant to be a blessing to the nations. A light of liberty for all people. That they might see what God could do with a nation committed to the freedom that he has created for all people, regardless of origins.

Only God’s grace and sovereign power can remove our sin and the judgment that stands against us for abandoning Him. Yet “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” He will have mercy in answer to our intercession. We, God’s intercessors, have the greatest responsibility for our nation. And as a result, the greatest power, authority, and ability to turn this huge ship around in order to sail toward our true port. What an honor.

Father, please remove the sin. Please remove the stain of unbridled pride and self-centeredness. Father forgive our waywardness. Forgive our rebellion. Cleanse our sinful hands. Hands that have been responsible for the murder of millions. Forgive our blind arrogance. Let the peoples see your power, your mercy, your generosity. Open the eyes of the blind. Set the captives free. Turn this great nation away from the course it is currently set on. Forgive. Restore. Remake. Lord, you forgave the Ninevites. Surely, you could send a prophet to this nation that has been a launching-point for the Gospel to the nations of the world. Surely your mercy is not too small a thing to wipe out our judgment. You can triumph and make a name for yourself. Our citizens could yet see your love in action, and turn from their wickedness. You could begin a people-movement unlike anything the world has yet to witness.

Raise up a prophet or prophets. Give them the same word. Make an openness in the heart of our nation for their message. Please bring your greatness to bear on our shame and defeat. Remember your word through Paul–our enemy is NOT people, but the powers behind.

Speak a word through your prophets that will devastate your enemies. Work through the church to crush the head of the serpent. Father, help us to recognize that you do whatever your heart dictates. May your heart be moved to make the Untied States a righteous nation. A nation that gives instead of takes. A nation United in You.

Lord, empower our ministry to bring all things in heaven and earth under One Head–Jesus Christ. Show the world the stark difference between Islam and Christianity–between evil and good, Satan and God. Open eyes. Change hearts. Pour out your Spirit. Let young men and women see visions. Let old men dream dreams.

Remove the sin of political correctness which was substituted for spiritual correctness. Remove the leaders, teachers, and influencers, who have taken our nation in its current direction. Raise up a new media. Remove those who have tried to shape our nation in their own image rather than in yours.

‘Father, this is my official intercession before you and your Sodth (the heavenly Council) for my nation. And for the sake of your great name. Make the sacrifice of my Savior and Lord Jesus and his resurrection effectual for my fellow Americans and the nations who will turn to Him and love Him.

Father, bless our leaders who love and follow you. Depose and dismiss those who don’t or won’t. Please remove tyrants and godless men and women from heads of government all around the world. Father defeat the strongholds of the principalities and powers over this present darkness. Bring in the Kingdom of Light. Release us by the blood of Jesus into the ineffable freedom of the sons of God. Thank you for giving us our lives in Christ. We will stand with you to reign with Christ until ALL his enemies are under his feet. Defeat the demonic hordes once and for all. Bring the world to your throne of mercy and love. Destroy evil–wherever you find it. Save your people from this present darkness.

* * *

Lord, would you also stir up the gifts in me. Show me how to focus and use them. Give me a revelation of your choosing so that my final years will be my best. Let me finish stronger than I started. Grant me a fruitful word. Grant me an influence beyond my understanding. Empower the bread I cast upon the waters. Focus my pen. Focus my heart. Keep me doing “this One Thing.” Ordain effectiveness for me. Show me how to serve with Marcy to the best of our capacity and potential. I trust YOU to do it. I am aware of my many limitations and my aging. But I know that even into old age, you can make our leaf green and our fruit will ripen and nourish those who pick it. Thank you for choosing us. Thank you for sending us. Thank you for fruitfulness. Keep us fruitful until we breathe our last, then even after that, should Jesus tarry, use our music, writings, and memory to bring people into relationship with you, or to deepen their walk with You. May we see our many spiritual children and grandchildren in the Kingdom. Father, as we desire to honor you, please honor us in the presence of many witnesses to the glory of Christ. Amen.

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February 17, 2012

Spiritual Journal Entry 2/13/12

By David Alves

 2/13/2012

Probably just spent the most profound week of my recent walk with the Lord. I have been in his presence continually in a way that I have been conscious of his nearness. I think of his promise: “Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you.” (James 4 somewhere).

Don’t want anything to disturb this “abiding.” This is what I was made for and why I was called to be a son. Profound peace, shalom, fatness of soul, great joy, sweet communion, these are some ways I would try to describe my experience. I also sense that something like a switch has been activated that brings me to a new level of intimacy with Him.

*      *      *

I have recorded much more in my two diaries–”Ideas” and “Thoughts.” While I was with the Lord, it wasn’t convenient to use my laptop, so I wrote in the diaries to later transcribe them here to my spiritual journal.

To summarize, I would simply say that God placed a divine discontent within me for anything less than His manifest presence. I wanted to GO be with Him–apart from any distractions–for an extended period of time. So I carved out a week on my calendar, made the appointment to stay at the monastery, then packed and went. From the time I made the decision to get apart with the Lord, I have sensed his nearness, his pleasure, and his continuous drawing. I believe from what I read that He longed to be with me and placed the desire for more of Him in my heart. My part was to cooperate with the desire.

Of course, once I actually arrived at the monastery and settled in, He embraced my heart and I’m experiencing something of the mountain-top type of experiences I used to have when I went on spiritual retreat alone to VT or Grantham or with Pete to Pilgrim Pines.

The difference is that I have always returned to the valley following mountain-top experiences with God. This time, I’m still on the mountain-top. I want to trust him that I can abide here and function in my everyday life. This may be some of what Brother Lawrence wrote of in his Practicing the Presence of God. Even in our work, we can be recollected to our Father’s loving presence.

Great peace have they who abide in your love, Lord. Thank you that you “Delight” in us.

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August 29, 2011

From My Writing Journal: 4/5/2001

By David Alves

Writing is an act of love for the “Christian” writer (the writer who is not merely Christian in the sense of a religious identity, but rather a true follower and disciple of Jesus—one who partakes in his very nature and personality by way of God’s inhabiting presence [Gal. 2:20 cf. 2 Pt. 1:4). I say for “the disciple of Jesus” because other writers may write from any number of motives—money, the need to be heard or speak, boredom—but the disciple writes for love.

This kind of writer gives in secret. All alone the Christian writer gives shape to thoughts and emotions that spring from fellowship with Christ and their desire is to express love for Christ and all whom He loves. I long to know Christ and to make him known. What he shows me in my writing is–that self-giving is the expression of love. And this solitary act of writing is an act of love, at first hidden and unseen. Only later does the Lord bring it out into the open. And then, not all, but only that which He would commend.

How I desire for my body of work, my writing, to help my brothers and sisters to Know Him better and to Make Him Known. That His love might be my highest aim. I keep thinking that perhaps if I give myself to this lonely work, their experience will be one of great blessing and communion with Christ and the church.

Perhaps in this solitary expression of my heart, in these hours days and weeks of parading symbols across a blank white page, a receptive heart and mind will soar into greater heights with Jesus. Perhaps this place at my computer keyboard is the place where my gifts and life-experience, my love for Jesus and my heavenly Father will speak to a hungry heart and lift it into the courts of the New Jerusalem. Maybe, this time alone can unveil a view from the Mountains of Pomegranates. This aloneness, this word-smything, then connects me with all human hearts through my love for my Savior.

Thank you Lord for the gift of writing.

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July 28, 2011

The Person Who Waits and Trusts

By David Alves

“I waited patiently for the Lord
blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust.” –Ps. 40.1, 4 (ESV)

When we place our FULL trust (I say “full” because many trust partially when things are going well or according to plans) in the Lord, he enables us to wait patiently. We cease our plan, our actions, our agendas, our timetables. Our faith, his gift to us, holds us in patient trust and there we wait until he blesses.

This is not an easy place for doers to find themselves. It is hard even for Marys. How much more glory God gets when a Martha is able to so give up serving,  accomplishing and busyness, to “wait patiently?”

The secret is found in this little phrase in v. 6: “Sacrifice and offering (in that context–labor intensive activity) you did not desire . . . “but my ears you have pierced.” This speaks, in that ancient culture, of total surrender and ownership. When we go to God’s doorpost and say to Him “Father I want to give myself totally to be yours . . . to serve You ALONE, we can wait patiently for His assignments and cease from ours.

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Father help me to always wait patiently for You. I make you my trust. My ear you have pierced. I am totally your son–ready to bless your heart. Let me bring you great glory at this autumn season of my life. Heart surrender is the worship I give. I’m not ashamed to trust in you no matter how foolish that looks to others. Thank you in advance for receiving this act of worship.

©2011, David C Alves

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