Becoming a Better Friend in 30 Minutes

Have you ever wondered if you’re a good friend? Do you want to be the kind of friend that others are looking for?

You can become a better friend. And in only 30 minutes. It’s easy.

Let’s take a closer look at what makes for a good friend. If you are willing to participate in the following activity, you’ll not only see how you can be a better friend, but you’ll also see the importance of having a Life Coach. I’m about to demonstrate how I would coach a client. Ready?


  • If you don’t have a Life Journal, get one. Make one. Buy one. Do whatever you need to do, but make this a special journal. Don’t just add it as a page to your current journal of feelings or your diary (if you keep one; which is a good idea too). This is going to be a journal for the practical steps that will absolutely transform your life (not merely make you a better friend). By the way, procuring a journal is not included in the 30 minutes. 🙂 Ready? Got your journal and a pencil or pen?
  • Make a list. Your OWN list of the traits that you think are important in a “good friend.” Don’t judge the list. Just list them rapid-fire.
  • Now, think about WHY those traits are important to you.
  • Refine your list. Which ones are not crucial? Eliminate those which on second thought you realize are not that important in a good friend. You want the essential traits of a good friend. Got them?
Here are what some famous people consider a “good friend”:
  1. Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of one another.  ~Eustace Budgell
  2. The only way to have a friend is to be one.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  3. Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. ~Euripides
  4. Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. ~Elbert Hubbard, The Notebook, 1927
  5. Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb
  6. In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer
  7. The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.  ~Elisabeth Foley
  8. If I had to sum up Friendship in one word, it would be Comfort.  ~Terri Guillemets
  9. As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.  ~The Holy Bible, ESV, 1 Samuel 18:1 [this is known as a “soul tie” These can be positive or negative. Positive soul ties are of God. I should do a post on this right?]
  10. When one of your friends has a need, or is hurt, or grieving, don’t ask “Is there anything I can do for you?”  Without being asked,  just think of something and DO IT!  ~Dr. David C Alves
  • Think about each quote. What one word (or short phrase) will express the trait that the numbered quotes emphasize. EXAMPLE: Reread quote number 4. The trait exemplified is “unconditional acceptance.” Place the trait you see in a new list.
  • Compare & Contrast your list to the list of what others have considered important traits in a good friend. Which ones agreed with yours? Were there any you forgot? If so, add them to your list.
  • Select three to five traits, from your completed list, that you currently demonstrate in your friendships. Those are your strengths. Put a star next to them.
  • Select three traits that you DON’T have or are really weak in. Those are your weaknesses as a friend. Let’s strengthen them.
  • IMPORTANT: Think about how your strong traits can enhance your weak traits. EXAMPLE: You’re really perceptive about your friend’s needs. [strong trait]. But you tend to procrastinate when you get an idea to do something to meet a friend’s need [weakness]. Use your other strength of (let’s say) encouragement to call your friend and let her know that you’re willing to help in that need. THEN FOLLOW THROUGH!!
  • Make a couple of decisions about actions you can take RIGHT NOW to stregthen those three weak areas.
You have just become a better friend. You did it by setting aside 30 minutes to evaluate and change something about you that will move you in a positive direction–to make you a “better friend.” Anyone who would do that is the kind of friend I (and many others) look for (and want to be). You care!
I hope you’re encouraged. Maybe that’s what friends do for one another too. Encourage each other.

AND . . . you’ve just walked through a coaching session that really can help you to be a better friend. And if you’ve read this far and decided to put this into action, that’s what you really want to be.

If you’d like to be a friend to me and others, simply share this post with others. Maybe we can start this awesome friendship thing happening.

QUESTION: How did YOU define a “good friend?” Let us know.

Friendship quotes 1-9 from

©2011, David C Alves

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